What are the signs of domestic violence?
Domestic violence is a silent epidemic. It’s also challenging to spot because the signs are often subtle. The abuser doesn’t always look like the popular idea of a perpetrator.
Abusive behavior is more than just causing physical injuries or bruises. It is about achieving power and control over another person. The abusers use threats and intimidation to keep their victims from leaving them. It’s not always easy to spot if you’re not looking for it.
When we talk about domestic abuse, it includes emotional hurt. It can consist of any of the following violent behaviour:
- Name-calling or other forms of verbal abuse
- Use of excessive physical force during arguments
- Diminishing the other person’s self-worth through insults
- Threatening behaviour
- Withholding of affection
- Dictating what the victim wears and who they talk to
- Controlling how much money they spend or how they spend it
- Isolating the victim from friends or family
- Telling them what they should do with their lives
- Forcing them to feel guilty for things they haven’t done
- Punishing them for “bad behaviour”
- Forcing them into sexual situations they’re not comfortable with
Sometimes domestic violence happens gradually, so you may not realize what’s happening until it’s too late. However, some clear signs of domestic violence can help determine if something is wrong. If you experience any of the situations above, it’s best to talk to a domestic violence lawyer in Toronto.
PHYSICAL ABUSE
Physical abuse is the most apparent sign of domestic violence, ranging from hitting and punching to more severe injuries. In some cases, domestic abuse may also include using knives or guns. In addition to physical violence, other warning signs include the following:
- Unexplained bruises or injuries
- Fear of being alone with their partner
- Their partner constantly accuses the victim of cheating on them
- The partner continually blames the victim for not loving them enough
If you’ve been in an abusive relationship, there’s a good chance it’ll keep coming. This is because domestic violence tends to be cyclical. It can start small, then escalate over time.
If you’re hurt, visit your healthcare provider for immediate medical attention.
EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE
These involve manipulation, emotional blackmail, and isolation from friends and family. Abusers often use their partner’s low self-esteem to keep them in the relationship. This can be very hard for the victim to break away.
Emotional abuse can be intentional or unintentional and subtle or overt. It’s not always physical, but it is still abuse. It doesn’t always have to be physical assault, and it’s often a precursor to physical violence.
Signs that someone is suffering from emotional abuse may include:
- Not being able to make decisions without consulting your abuser first
- Your partner constantly criticizes you or puts you down
- Being made to feel guilty about everything, from your appearance to your behaviour
SEXUAL ABUSE
Sexual violence comes in many forms. It includes coercing a partner into unwanted sexual activity. Signs of sexual abuse include:
- Sexual assault
- Being forced to do sexual acts that make you uncomfortable
- Being threatened with punishment if you refuse to have sex with your partner
It can also include sexual comments or advances, nudity, and other forms of unwanted sexual activity. This may be a way for an abuser to maintain power over their partner. Sadly, it can happen over time or on a single occasion.
SOCIAL ABUSE
Social abuse is a form of domestic violence that includes behaviours meant to isolate and control the victim. One way it can manifest is through controlling with whom the victim spends time. It could also be restricting where they go.
Another common form of social abuse is preventing the victim from having access to money or transportation. Without these, the victim will have to stay home where the abuser can watch over them.
While this may seem less serious than physical abuse, social abuse is just as dangerous. The stress caused by social abuse can increase cortisol levels in the body. This is the same stress response typically seen in victims of physical violence.
FINANCIAL ABUSE
Financial abuse happens when someone you love tries to control your money or take it from you. A financial abuser can do this in any of the following ways:
- Not letting you work
- Keeping your paycheck
- Not letting you have a bank account or credit card
- Requiring you to ask for permission to buy things
Restricting the victim’s access to money keeps them dependent on their abuser. Financial abuse puts the latter in a position of helplessness, feeling they can’t leave the relationship. Because they have no means of subsistence, they think they have no choice but to stay.
SPIRITUAL ABUSE
When people think of domestic violence in Ontario, it’s rare for them to consider spiritual abuse. However, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. In most cases, spiritual abuse involves forcing their partners to conform to their abuser’s beliefs.
Spiritual abuse is a form of domestic violence that can be hard to identify. The abuser may even use the scripture or religious tradition to justify their actions. They may claim that the victim is not spiritual enough or isn’t living up to their potential as a person of faith.
The signs of spiritual abuse are subtle but can harm your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. They include forbidding their partners from reading certain religious books or articles or attending church. An abuser may accuse their partner of being “unspiritual” if they disagree with their beliefs. This happens even if scripture does not support those beliefs.
The abuser may subject the victim to daily sermons about what they need to do to please God. They may also tell the abused victim they’re being punished for certain behaviours and must repent. Abusers may make victims believe God wants them to do something specific, like leave their job or school. They might also ask if victims have prayed or been praying enough lately.
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